TL;DR:
A prostate massager works by pressing on the prostate through the front wall of the rectum, about 2 inches in. Go slow, use plenty of water-based lube, and build up from outside touch to a finger to a toy.
- Find it first: press the back of the perineum, then insert a lubed finger and curl it toward your navel.
- Prep simply: bathroom, shower, trimmed nails, a towel, and water-based lube. No enema needed.
- Skip it if you have hemorrhoids, anal fissures, active prostatitis, or known prostate or rectal cancer.
- An urge to pee is normal. It usually means you're close. Ease off the pressure if it turns uncomfortable.
- Your first-toy path: start with a tapered silicone plug like the Super Swirl Textured Anal Plug, add vibration with the Maia Cody Vibrating Butt Plug, then move to the Pure Envy Remote Thrusting Prostate Massager.
Learning how to use a prostate massager comes down to one thing: the prostate responds to patience far more than pressure. Plenty of people with a prostate hear about the P-spot for years before trying it, mostly because nobody explains it plainly. This prostate massager guide does. You'll learn where the prostate is, how to prepare, the exact steps for a first session, what it feels like, what to do if you feel nothing, and how to pick a first toy that matches where you are right now.
What Is a Prostate Massager and Why Does Prostate Play Feel Good?
A prostate massager is a toy shaped to press on the prostate through the front wall of the rectum. Most have a gentle curve, a tapered tip, and a flared base or handle so they stay in place. Some vibrate, some thrust, and some are plain silicone that works through shape alone.
The prostate is a gland that sits below the bladder and in front of the rectum, and the Cleveland Clinic's overview of prostate anatomy puts it at about the size of a walnut. It adds fluid to semen and helps push semen out during ejaculation. Because it sits right against the rectal wall, a finger or toy reaches it easily, which is why it gets called the P-spot or the male G-spot.
A quick word on identity: enjoying prostate play says nothing about who you're attracted to. Go Ask Alice at Columbia University notes that anal play can be enjoyable for people of any gender or sexual orientation. The prostate responds to touch the same way, no matter whose hand or which toy is doing the touching.
Where Is the Prostate and How Do You Find It?
You can reach the prostate in two ways: from the outside through the perineum, or from the inside through the anus. Starting outside is the easiest way to learn how your body responds before anything goes in.
Finding the prostate from the outside
The perineum is the stretch of skin between the scrotum and the anus, and it sits right over the prostate. Healthline's guide to prostate orgasm points you to the softer, fleshier area toward the back, closer to the anus. Press there with a lubed fingertip or the flat of a vibrating toy and notice what changes.
The Cleveland Clinic describes the prostate as round and soft or rubbery when felt from this spot, similar to the tip of your nose. Slow circles and steady presses work best here. If the area feels good, you already know internal play is worth exploring.
Finding the prostate from the inside
Internally, the prostate sits about 2 inches inside the rectum, according to Healthline's guide to the male G-spot. That's roughly two knuckles of an index finger. Curl your finger toward your belly button and feel along the front wall for a rounded bulb that feels different from the smooth tissue around it.
You don't need to go deep, and going too far means you'll pass it. The Burnett Foundation, a New Zealand sexual health organization, describes it as about a thumb's length in, toward the navel. Being aroused helps too: Hims notes the prostate swells with fluid when you're turned on, which makes it easier to find.
Who Should Skip Prostate Massage?
Prostate play is safe for most people who go slowly and use plenty of lube, but some conditions make it a bad idea. Medical News Today lists risks that include worsening acute prostatitis, bleeding around the prostate, hemorrhoid flare-ups, and damage to the rectal lining. Skip prostate massage if you have:
- Hemorrhoids or anal fissures
- Active prostatitis, or symptoms like fever, painful urination, or blood in your urine
- Epididymitis
- Known or suspected prostate or rectal cancer
It also helps to know what a prostate massage is not. The Cleveland Clinic states it's not an effective treatment for prostate problems or pelvic pain, though it's fine as part of consensual sex. Pelvic pain or urinary symptoms are a conversation for a doctor, not a toy.
How to Prepare for Your First Prostate Massage
Most first-time nerves are about cleanliness, and a little prep takes care of them. WebMD notes there's little to worry about if you've had a bowel movement within the past day or so. No enema needed.
- Use the bathroom and shower. Warm water relaxes your muscles, and a quick wash helps you feel at ease.
- Trim and file your nails. A sharp edge can scratch the delicate lining of the rectum.
- Set up your space. Lay down a towel and keep your toy, lube, and wipes within reach.
- Choose a water-based lube. The anus makes no natural lubrication, so apply generously and reapply often. Water-based lube works with every toy material, and our water-based vs silicone lube guide explains why.
- Get aroused first. Masturbation or foreplay relaxes the anal sphincter and makes the prostate easier to find.
If you're new to anal play altogether, our beginner's guide to anal play covers breathing, relaxation, and first insertion in more depth.
How to Use a Prostate Massager, Step by Step
This order works for most first-timers. Move to the next step only when the current one feels comfortable, and stop at any sharp or persistent pain.
- Start outside. Massage the back of the perineum with a lubed finger for a few minutes. Build pressure slowly.
- Warm up the opening. Circle the outside of the anus with a lubed fingertip. The anal sphincter relaxes with gentle, steady contact.
- Insert a finger first. Breathe out as you slide one lubed finger in, slowly. Wait for the muscles to relax before going further.
- Find it with a come-hither motion. About 2 inches in, curl your finger toward your navel and stroke the front wall. Try light pressing, slow circles, and holding still.
- Switch to your toy. Lube the toy and the opening, line up the tip, and insert slowly along the same path. Angle the curve toward your navel.
- Let the toy do the work. Hold it still and gently squeeze and release your pelvic floor muscles, or switch on vibration at the lowest setting.
- Remove it slowly. Hold the base, ease it out, and clean it right away.
Position makes a big difference. Healthline suggests three easy ones for solo play: on your back with your knees pulled toward your chest, face down with one arm reaching back, or on all fours. Lying on your side with your top knee drawn up is another comfortable option when your arm gets tired.
What Does Prostate Stimulation Feel Like?
The first sensation often surprises people: a sudden urge to pee. The prostate wraps around the urethra, so pressure on it can feel like a full bladder. In a Hims interview, board-certified urologist Dr. Peter Stahl describes that urge as a common sign you've found the right spot.
The trick is to treat that feeling as a signal to slow down, not stop. Ease off the pressure and keep a steady rhythm, and for many people, the urge fades into a deep, full, building warmth. Anal penetration can also make you feel like you need to poop, which the Burnett Foundation mentions is another reason using the bathroom beforehand helps.
Some people reach a prostate orgasm, which WebMD confirms is possible through prostate stimulation. Others enjoy the extra sensation alongside stroking and never make it the main event. Some people also notice clear or milky fluid, and Healthline notes that prostate massage can release it. That's normal.
What If You Don't Feel Anything the First Time?
Feeling very little on your first try is common, and it doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. Hims notes that some people locate the prostate and still don't feel much at first. A few adjustments usually change that:
- Get more aroused before insertion. The prostate is easier to find and more responsive when you're already turned on.
- Check your angle. Aim toward your navel, not straight back toward your spine.
- Go lighter. Firm pressure can feel numb or uncomfortable. Gentle, slow strokes often feel like more.
- Change position. A new angle can move the prostate into easier reach.
- Give it several sessions. Your muscles relax more each time, and sensation builds with familiarity.
And if prostate play never becomes your favorite thing, that's fine too. Plenty of people enjoy it as an occasional extra rather than a main event.
How to Give Your Partner a Prostate Massage
If you're doing this for a partner, the steps are the same, with more conversation built in. Talk first about what they want to try, and agree on a simple check-in like "more," "less," or "stop." Keep your nails short, and wear a glove if it makes you both more comfortable.
- Warm up the whole body. Kiss, touch, and stroke before going anywhere near the anus.
- Start on the perineum. Use a lubed thumb or finger to press and circle the soft area behind the scrotum.
- Insert one finger, palm up. Go slowly and wait for their muscles to relax.
- Curl toward their navel. Feel for the rounded bulb on the front wall and use a slow come-hither motion.
- Keep asking. Check in on speed and pressure as you go, and follow their lead.
- Combine sensations. Stroking their penis at the same time is where many people find prostate play clicks.
Couples who want hands-free play during sex can add a ring and plug combo. Our guide on how to use a cock ring covers fit and timing before you try one together.
How to Choose Your First Prostate Toy
You don't need a dedicated prostate massager to start. Hims notes that any body-safe silicone or stainless steel toy made for anal play can stimulate the prostate, and that indirect stimulation can feel more manageable for beginners. Whatever you choose, it must have a flared base, since toys without one can slide fully inside.
Match the toy to where you are now, not where you want to end up. If you're unsure about size, our butt plug size guide walks through what to look for. Every toy below is body-safe and works with water-based lube.
Start with a tapered silicone plug
Super Swirl Textured Anal Plug by Pure Envy
A body-safe silicone plug with a spiral texture, a tapered tip, and a flared base.
The tapered tip makes the first insertion gradual, and the spiral ridges add sensation as the plug shifts against the front wall. You control the depth completely, and since the prostate sits about 2 inches in, you don't need the full length to feel it.
Best for first-timers who've tried the finger step and want a toy that stays put.
Shop the Super Swirl Anal Plug →
Add vibration once insertion feels easy
Maia Cody Vibrating Butt Plug
A compact, contoured vibrating plug with a balanced base and a smooth, body-safe finish.
Vibration spreads through the surrounding tissue, so it reaches the prostate and the perineum at once without any precise aiming. The balanced base keeps it steady, which leaves your hands free for stroking or for a partner.
Best for people who enjoy a plain plug and want more sensation without going bigger.
Shop the Maia Cody Vibrating Butt Plug →
Move to a dedicated prostate massager
Pure Envy Remote Thrusting Prostate Massager
A contoured, rechargeable prostate massager with a thrusting motion, multiple vibration modes, and a wireless remote.
The shape is built to sit against the prostate, and the thrusting creates rhythmic pressure without any hand movement from you. The remote lets you change settings without reaching behind you, or you can hand it to a partner. Start on the lowest setting, and read our explainer on how thrusting toys work if motorized motion is new to you.
Best for people who've found their P-spot and know they enjoy it.
Shop the Pure Envy Remote Thrusting Prostate Massager →
Want a cock ring and plug in one?
Blush Performance Ring Plug Set
A platinum-cured silicone cock ring connected to a 4-inch insertable plug, 1.2 inches wide, with no motor.
Every movement you make shifts the plug, which gives hands-free internal pressure while the ring sits at the base of the shaft. It suits partnered sex, where your own motion does the work. Not sure whether you want a buzzing ring instead? Our vibrating vs non-vibrating cock ring comparison helps you decide.
Best for people already comfortable with a plug who want ring and prostate play together.
Shop the Blush Performance Ring Plug Set →
How to Clean a Prostate Massager
Clean your toy before its first use and after every session. For body-safe silicone and other nonporous materials, warm water and mild, unscented soap do the job. Wash every surface, including the base and any ridges or texture where residue collects.
Rechargeable toys like the Maia Cody and the Pure Envy need a little more care. Wipe the motor housing and charging area rather than soaking them unless the manufacturer rates the toy as waterproof. Let everything air-dry fully and store each toy separately so materials don't react with each other.
If you share a toy, Hims recommends using a condom on it. For material-by-material instructions, see our full guide on how to clean sex toys.
Prostate Massager FAQs
How far up is the prostate?
The prostate sits about 2 inches inside the rectum, on the front wall toward the navel. That's roughly two knuckles of an index finger, so there's no need to go deeper.
How do I know if I'm touching my prostate?
It feels like a rounded, slightly firmer bulb that's different from the smooth tissue around it. Many people also feel a sudden urge to pee when they press on it.
Can a butt plug stimulate the prostate?
Yes, indirectly. A plug presses against the front wall of the rectum as it shifts, and many beginners find that gentler pressure is easier to enjoy than a curved massager.
Why do I feel like I need to pee during prostate play?
The prostate surrounds the urethra, so pressure on it can mimic a full bladder. Pee beforehand, then ease off the pressure, and the feeling usually fades into pleasure.
Should I use a condom on a prostate massager?
Use one if you share the toy, and swap to a fresh condom between partners. Never move a toy from anal to vaginal use without a new condom or a full clean.
Can you orgasm from prostate stimulation alone?
Some people can, and others need penile stimulation too. Both are completely normal, and neither says anything about how well you're doing it.
How often can you do a prostate massage?
There's no set limit, so let comfort guide you. If you feel soreness, rest for a few days and see a doctor if the pain lingers or if there is any bleeding.
Ready to find your first toy? Browse body-safe men's sex toys in the For Him collection, from beginner plugs to dedicated prostate massagers, all shipped in plain, discreet packaging.